In recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options The Atlantic, November 2011 Cover Story

The statement above is a bold, honest,and  powerful said with supreme conviction.  And surely this article is empowering for women and maybe even some men who are embracing new roles in society as we continually strive for more fairness and equality.

However in the end this article felt more like a rant without a clear statement. Gender roles and equality is a huge political, legal, and social issue. I am not the best writer nor do I consider myself much of a critic but this is something that is affecting society on a grand scale and deserves thoughtful commentary outside of a 140 character tweet.

Kate decided like many other women to take a different path in life that was liberating and self-fulfilling to her ideology and I commend that. Everyone has a unique situation, circumstance and personality. I don’t believe we should make blanket statements with generalizations about women or men but I will direct my attention and comments to this specific article because she has successfully sparked a great debate.

I might have a slight male biased perspective on this whole topic “obviously” but I am going to share it anyways. So let’s start with some facts from a study conducted by North Western University on what male’s greatest regrets are in life. I’m starting my response the same way she started her article, it was about the “pain”, “hurt” and loss that she experienced at 28 years old when she broke up for no reason with her ex-boyfriend . The North Western University study sampled 500 young male adults asking them what there “overwhelming biggest life regret was?”  “lost love” was the greatest.

A Feminist Ideology

Reading Kate’s article I couldn’t help but feel a little jaded for her, she was young and in love and her mother constantly influenced her to move on from positive affectionate young men that showed her love. She valued her mother’s opinions over that of her own and the feminist ideology took precedent over everything else. I suggest that feminist ideology or any ideology at that taken to the extreme without careful thought and consideration of ones own personal values and desires has led her down a path that is concerning for her, it not easy being a modern women. I am not talking about sexual promiscuity, freedom of expression, or even the “institution” of marriage. I am talking about balancing the power women have and understanding how to use this new found power that is being bestowed upon a generation of young women who are becoming leaders in society. Our doctors, lawyers, politicians, professors, and yes our mothers too.

In the end if you don’t want to get married don’t get married social norms have changed and it is perfectly ok. Self love is the greatest love and I will always support that. A strong impendent women for most “real men’ is a very attractive thing I think there is a strong misconception that men don’t like successful women who are smart and financially independent.

Mount Allison University was the first university in the British Empire to award a baccalaureate to a woman (Grace Annie Lockhart, B.Sc, 1875). So it was not by accident that when I took a course called “Bio-Politics” a large part of the class was dedicated to the political debate surrounding the women’s body. In class I defined it as a proxy war because liberals and conservatives in both Canada and the United States used women’s bodies’ a third party battle ground (ex. Birth Control, Abortion). Things like birth-control and abortion were constantly used on the front lines of liberal and conservative political debates with all too often removal of the feminist viewpoint to even be considered. This alienated females within the political system even more and brought to light the pressing need to address the “sexism” culture of our society that constantly objectifies and exploits women for there sexuality.

The Greatest Gift

Women are the greatest gift to the world, we call the earth “Mother Nature” and it is for a reason. Women have a beauty and strength that is beyond words. Women give life, nurturer, and care tenderly and passionately. But there is a new element to the female biology and mindset that for some people is shocking. And it is the simple fact that women can also destroy and be very hard. The old saying of “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned” is not by accident it is true at least every guy I know has personally felt it.

For so long women did not have the power to vote, own property, essentially they did not have the power to control there lives in a self-determinate way as men had taken for granted and done for so long. And now that there is this change on the horizon and a shift in power that is being exercised by women for the first time in recent modern we have writers like Kate who have taken to the cover magazines to proclaim this arrival, success, and stick there nose up to men essentially calling them worthless and not worthy to be her boyfriend let alone the future mother of there child or life partner. I don’t expect women to have mercy on men; I think it is a liberating and positive thing to show a lot of these men up! I just think we should also remember to love, and to be open and accepting to our differences, our strengths, and our dual interchangeable roles in society.

I commend Kate for telling her story and sharing it so openly. I think more than anything women like Kate who are climbing up the ladder of success should think about what defines success? I challenge feminist to be more open to love and to remember that it is the strongest emotion and gift that god has given them. In the constant fight to find Mr. Right or “Your Way” don’t forget that “men” are still the protectors of your nest, and although we might no longer live in a hunter gather society. We still have primal urges and needs that to be satisfied.  I have experienced the power of a women’s love, my mother raised 3 boys alone never truly getting the man or respect she deserved. My grandmother raised 6 kids essentially alone because my grandfather was so busy working to provide and pursue his own personal ambitions leaving my grandmother unable to fulfill many of hers.

A Modern Balancing Act

The balancing act of gender equality and roles is something that will continue to be a topic of debate for the foreseeable future. As generation X heads into there late 30’s and 40’s, those who are in the generation Y like myself are at this very moment reaching into our mid –late 20’s just like Kate was 10 years ago. Back then it was the it was the early 2000’s Jessica Parker’s Sex & The City was the top HBO show and BET had the “black version’ Girlfriends to match. Today we have MTV and the E Network, producing shows that promote Careers over Family, Sex over Love, Shoes over Food and Beauty over Brains (Ex. Keeping up With the Kardashians). Makes you wonder what we will choose? And how we will move forward in the new modern society.

Yet on shows such as Modern Family characters like Claire Dunphy a modern “housewife” exhibits more strength, courage and testosterone then her husband who is working. What I am trying to say is that as roles change, and as women become even more comfortable in there skin and how they want to live there lives the dynamics of how we live will change. The pardox of choice is actually a real problem for modern society. With unlimited options and disregard for our impermanence on earth far too often forgetting that we only have a limited time to live and enjoy the world we live in we get caught up in image, and sometimes we get caught up in ourselves.

My favourite part of the article was in the first page when Kate accepted the invitation and suggestion from her ex-boyfriends fiancé to help him go find a shirt for his wedding.  I think the engaged women that invited the ex-girlfriend to take her fiancé shopping is the ultimate exercise of power and confidence that to me is empowering to women. At the same time I must say that from the description of how she felt about this ex-boyfriend it had to take a lot of courage and strength for her to go help a man she once loved find the best shirt for his wedding day. To set aside jealousy and to be confident in this matter to me was the absolute expression and power of what feminism truly represents. Wither your single, dating, getting married or the ex-girlfriend love conquers everything and should be set free.  There are a lot of guys that are going to need good strong; smart women to lean on if the stats are truly correct.

Although we have gender differences we are still just human beings with desires of , love, attention and self-determination. There is no need to put down men, or to be afraid of not getting married, or getting married. Whatever path you take, and whatever road it takes you to, just make sure when you make any decision to make them with love, everything else will take care of itself in time we are all on this journey together.